It begins unremarkably.

She’s digging through Sawyer’s stuff (he’s elsewhere, where she’s not completely sure, nor does she care) when she feels someone tap her on the shoulder.

When she turns she finds Shannon, her hand extended. Kate has to look twice to see what it is. A hairbrush.

“Heard you and Claire talking about not being able to find one. I’ve got an extra and I can’t find her, so I figured I’d just give it to you.”

Kate nods, and gives her a grateful smile, taking the hairbrush. “Thanks.”

She can tell Shannon must not hear that word often, because she tries her best to look uncaring, annoyed even, but Kate can tell she wants to smile back.

If she wasn’t so used to pretending, to upholding her reputation of being the bitch, the one all the guys wanted and all the girls hated, then maybe she would’ve.

Kate’s still stuck on the way life is supposed to go, the way it’s told in the movies and on TV.

Boy meets girl, boy sweeps girl off her feet, boy and girl live happily ever after. It’s why she’s been alternating spending her time with Jack and Sawyer. She’s convinced that she’s going to make this fairytale work one way or another, because it’s the way she was brought up, to believe in these prehistoric ideas of love.

Except of course it doesn’t quite work out that way and somehow she finds herself drawn to the wonderfully screwed-up woman.

“You look depressed.” Shannon observes, out of the blue, finding Kate sitting on the sandy shores. Then, as an afterthought, she adds, “Not that I care.”

She does or she wouldn’t have asked.

Kate fiddles with her hands, with the bare finger that’s remained undecorated for years now. “It would’ve been my anniversary today.”

She can’t help thinking about him, same time every year. Just because she’d left him didn’t mean she didn’t love him. She had no other choice.

Shannon smoothes her skirt, then, surprisingly, sits down in the sand next to her. “I was married once. To this guy in France.”

At first Kate thinks she’s just trying to relate, attempting to be sympathetic. She appreciates the effort but it doesn’t help any.

“I used him to con money out of my brother.” Kate looks at her, and frowns. “Yeah, I know what that sounds like, but it wasn’t – it wasn’t that I didn’t care about him or anything. I was just doing what I had to. It was my money.” She says that last part more for her own benefit than Kate’s.

“We all do things we’re not proud of.” She says, and she thinks Shannon understands.

Shannon drops her towel (and herself) about five feet away from where Kate is sitting cutting up fruit, and while she’s curious as to why Shannon has decided to choose this place of any others on the beach to do her sunbathing, she doesn’t say a word.

That is until Shannon unties the strings of her bikini top and Kate’s eyes widen. It’s not that they were covering up a lot to begin with but it’s the principle of the thing.

She lets her eyes trail over the smooth bronzed skin of the other woman’s back before asking, “Are you sure it’s a good idea to be going topless here?”

Shannon turns her head in a way that cannot be comfortable so that she can look at Kate and asks. “What is this, the 1800’s?” Kate ducks her head, just a bit embarrassed. “Never thought you would be a prude.”

“I’m not.” Kate claims, thinking of all the times she’s stripped down in the ocean and prayed no one walked by.

Anyway, it’s not like she’s complaining about the view.

She’s going to just go ahead and blame this on her insomnia. As well she should because if she weren’t awake then she wouldn’t be doing this.

By this she means leaning in and kissing Shannon, close-mouthed at first. She hasn’t the slightest clue what Shannon’s going to do, but since not being forward enough is what screwed her over in the first place she figures she might as well try this.

“What the hell was that?” Shannon asks, pulling back.

“A kiss.” Kate tells her, because at the moment that’s all it is.

“Okay.”

This time Shannon kisses her. 


005. contemporary

Being with Shannon isn’t all that different than being with Sawyer would be in her estimations. They’re kind of the same person if you ignore the gender. Both manipulative, their words tinged with sarcasm and selfishness, but at the same time she can see the same sadness under the surface.

Kate tends to be drawn to people who are just as screwed up as she is. Who are like her in some way. Sawyer is, Shannon is to some degree, but the difference with Shannon is Kate’s not giving in to the whole Jack vs. Sawyer battle over her that seems to be going on.

Shannon is an escape from that.

And then she’s more than that sometimes. When Shannon kisses her, it’s not meant to prove anything, or stake a claim. She does it because this thing, works for them. It’s all about convenience.

It still doesn’t mean anything.


006. dawn

Kate stops trying to make herself believe that this means nothing when Shannon actually wakes up early, before dawn, and comes out to sit with her as the sun rises.

“Couldn’t sleep anyway,” Shannon says, even though Kate never asked. She plays with her fingernails, picking at chipped pink nail polish, but Kate can see her glance upwards out of the corner of her eye several times.

It’s not like Kate actually buys the excuse. They all know Shannon sleeps perfectly fine until sometime around ten in the morning.

Maybe, just maybe, the real reason is Shannon enjoys her company. 


007. awakened

They hadn’t done anything past making out and so technically it wasn’t an actual relationship. Or an actual anything. There was no intimacy.

And then Kate awoke to find Shannon in her tent, her hot breath against Kate’s neck, the other woman’s fingers absentmindedly grazing her nipples through her thin tank top and things kind of changed.

“Tell me I’m not the only one who’s been thinking about this,” Shannon breathes against her mouth, and Kate can only moan in response. It must be good enough because Shannon slides her hands beneath Kate’s shirt and angles herself a bit better so that Kate can grind against her thigh, and this is where they cross the line between just sort-of-friends-but-with-kissing and intimacy. And sex.

To think that they weren’t going to cross that line sooner or later would be irrational. And to say she didn’t need this would be a lie. 


008. heyday

Kate doesn’t get a lot of sleep that night. Not that she minds.

Shannon doesn’t tire out easily (neither does she) and they’re moving against each other, all tangled limbs, lips, teeth, tongue, and it feels good. It feels like the best she’s ever had but Kate knows that can’t be true.

It’s just that it’s been too long.

“That was…” Shannon begins, laying back down when they’re finally spent, and Kate kind of loves the fact that she’s still catching her breath. “Have you ever done that before?”

“No,” she feels her cheeks redden, embarrassed.

“You’re a fast learner.”


009. planned

They get meticulous about planning their trysts in advance, which is ironic considering none of this was planned.

There is no other way to do it though. Shannon has struck up a flirtation with Sayid, and Kate’s still using Jack and Sawyer against each other for her own benefit. By doing this it keeps this thing they’re doing from becoming anything more than fucking. It’s sort of like cheating with the pool boy except they’re both female and neither of them are married anymore.

It’s not a constant thing. They don’t meet up every night, and they try to keep their distance now that they have something to hide. Their own dirty little secret.

Every now and then, one of them finally breaks down and decides they need this more than they’d prefer to admit.

That’s why, today, Kate trails her fingers along Shannon’s arm and whispers, “Nine. My tent.”

010. wristwatch
It’s instinct for her to check her watch when she wakes up, even if she hasn’t worn one for almost twenty-five days. Hers got broken in the crash.

“What are you doing?” Shannon asks, from beside her, noticing the movement.

Kate points to her wrist, and Shannon nods. “Old habits.”

“You don’t have to – “ she gestures to the door because she won’t say that Kate doesn’t have to leave. Because that would imply that Shannon wants her to stay. “Not yet.”

 A slow smile breaks across her face, one that she can’t control, and she snuggles a little closer.

011. punctual

Sayid said that he would be back in an hour (where he was going neither of them knew since he liked to keep secrets) and so Shannon had decided that maybe an afternoon delight would mix things up a bit.

Cut to the two of them with their hands all over each other, roughly an hour later, just as Sayid’s voice filters in through the thin blue tarp that is the only thing keeping them from getting caught.

“Shannon.”

“Fuck,” Shannon breathes, and Kate’s been hearing that a lot for the past few minutes but that could be because she’s got two fingers inside of Shannon, and she was about to slip a third one in when Sayid decided to show up.

Dammit if the man doesn’t have the worst timing in the world.

Then, somehow, Shannon manages to steady her voice so it sounds relatively normal, as she calls out, “Give me a second. I’m changing clothes.”

It’s a good thing this is Sayid and not Sawyer otherwise he’d probably just walk right on in like it was an invitation. But it’s not and Sayid waits patiently until Shannon pulls her clothes on and slips out, making sure Sayid can’t actually see inside the tent when she opens the flap, with an apologetic look on her face, leaving Kate completely riled up, and not at all happy about it.

That’s the last time they decide to take a risk, and the (first) last time that they almost get caught. 


012. lunchtime

The day after she figures out that Shannon is just as averse to the limited selection of island cuisine as she is, Kate asks her if she wants to go with her on one of her fruit gathering trips.

When Shannon says yes, Kate’s jaw all but drops, because she never figured Shannon would agree to go with her. She thought the other woman would’ve just rolled her eyes.

“I’ve never seen half of these,” Shannon calls up to her, while Kate shimmies up a tree.

“That’s because no one else comes out this far.” Kate tells her, looking for her bag and realizing she left it down on the ground with Shannon. Tossing the large green fruit in her hand lightly, she asks, “Can you catch?”

Shannon nods, and Kate throws it down as a test. Shannon catches it easily. Kate can’t help the surprise that finds its way onto her face. In response, Shannon looks down, almost sadly. “I wasn’t always little-miss-high-maintenance you know.”

Kate watches her face carefully, intrigued, but she doesn’t say anything.

Then Shannon’s eyes light up. “Can probably climb that tree just as well as you can too.”

It’s a challenge. “Oh really?”

“Really.”


013. instantaneous

Kate comes back from gardening with Sun one afternoon, and Shannon is practically in her face before she crosses the tree line.

“Where were you?”

Shannon has abandonment issues. Kate’s been aware of this for some time.

“Gardening.” Kate shrugs off her backpack. “With Sun.”

There’s this look Shannon gets, this pouty, slightly vulnerable look and Kate can never quite tell if it’s an act she puts on, or just her automatic reaction when she gets upset. It’s plainly displayed on her face now, as she crosses her arms over her chest. “Are you having sex with her too?”

Kate balks. “No.”

“Then why do you spend so much time with her?”

“We’re just friends.” Kate tells her, her surprise at the accusation giving way to a mischievous smile.  “Wait, are you jealous?”

“No,” Shannon responds, like it’s a ludicrous idea.

“Okay, sure,” she says.

Except that she so is.

014. season

“So…you and Sayid are…”

Shannon looks over at her, waiting for her to continue. When she finally realizes this is fill in the blank, she asks, “Why does it matter?”

Kate sighs. “Because. I mean, what are we even doing here?”

“Having a little fun.” Shannon replies, going back to painting her toenails. “No harm in it.”

“I just think it’s different when one of us is in a serious relationship—“

Shannon speaks right over her. “It’s not serious, okay.“

“Well then what is it?” Kate asks, exasperated.

“It’s safe, and it’s normal.” She pauses, then adds. “And it’s bland, and it’s boring.”

“Why are you in it then?”

Now Shannon’s pissed. “Look, what do you want from me?”

It’s a good question. Why is she so interested? Why does she care? What is she even doing here? And she doesn’t have the answers once again.

“I don’t know.”

015. unpredictable

There’s a reason Shannon doesn’t like things that are bland, or boring, or easy. It’s because she is none of those things. She’s unpredictable, plain and simple.

This especially goes for her behavior. She can be a complete bitch one moment, and the next she’s just as broken as the rest of them.

This kind of thing is exemplified when Shannon finds her later, after a morning of non-stop complaining and yelling to everybody and anybody that got in her way.

“I’m sorry I was such a bitch this morning.”

“I didn’t know that word was in your vocabulary.” Her attempt at a joking tone falls flat on its face, and she quickly amends the statement when Shannon glares. “No problem. We all have our bad days.”

And they do have their bad days, and their good ones too, but no one is as inconsistent as Shannon. 

It would figure. 

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